A Cup of Tea With Me

I apologize for being MIA. I was (am) dealing with migraines. I will try to be around more often. I just have not felt like thinking much lately.

However, I am all about honesty, so I will tell you that I am fighting computer addiction again. I do not plan on going MIA from blogging and the two communities in which I am active, but I do need to fight this. You see I love to play games. Video games are a real weakness for me. Please pray for my deliverance from this addiction. It is an on going battle. I do not want to take them off this computer, as I am not the only one that plays them, but I may have to.

Blog posts normally take me a while to write. Reading your blogs usually take time, too. I cannot sit at the computer for too long (30 minute intervals now days) because if I sit in one place for too long, I loose circulation in my legs below my knees. My feet and lower legs start turning blue and hurting. Just thought I would try to explain a little more about why I blog so sporadically, or comment on your blogs more often. It is not that I do not love and appreciate you all. It is just that I cannot sit for too long.

I have no peace about my health. I realize that is because I still worry about it, but I cannot help but feel that there is more to this than just my APS. I know I should not worry, but I do it anyway, which only makes me worry more, when that realization hits. Silly Melly…

Anyway, my ears have been ringing since, July 07, 2007. Nonstop. Nothing I do stops it. I cannot even mask it with other noises. It is ALWAYS there.

On top of that, my hearing in my right ear is coming and going. If there is any background noise, at all, you need to be right in front of me, like at least three feet, and I have to be able to see you. I do not know the connection between sight and hearing, but really. I can hear you better if I can see  you. I hate wearing my glasses at work, but I almost have to so that I can hear everybody, because there is a LOT of background noise, in the mall.

Between the ringing and the hearing, I am loosing my mind.

I asked my Dr about it. At first she said it was the asprin. Well, the ringing started before I started taking the asprin, so it cannot be that. She took me completely off caffeine, she said for “a few days”. I stayed off for almost a week. No change. I am now limiting myself to one caffeinated drink a day.

Anyway, no answer. I guess I will have to go to an ENT for it, but I do not really want to go to another Dr right now, but I will if I have to.

I am very moody and irritable with the ringing in my ears, so I have been silent.

Yes, I know that I posted yesterday, so this is not really breaking my silence, but I am posting today to let you all know where I have been and what I have been up to.

I have been struggling again. I gave something to God, and I keep taking it back.

I have a praise:

I have been ill for a while. I am talking years. I can remember symptoms going as far back as 1991, when I was pregnant with Moosey. However, I know that many of the symptoms I have had as long as I can remember. I have had Drs tell me there is nothing wrong, that it is all in my head. I have had them look at me like I was insane.

I went to a new Dr. I think I posted a little about him, in Reasons I do Not Trust Doctors. I believe I said I was not 100% sure about him, well, now I know. He is the real deal. He really does care, like he made me think he does in our first visit.

I have answers. I now know why I developed Mitral Valve Prolapse (MVP). I know why I bruise when Boog hits me with a rolled up sales flyer from a local grocery store (he hit me 3 weeks ago and I still have a bruise the size of a base ball on my leg). I know why, at times I do not get enough blood to my brain and I get dizzy and almost pass out. I know these things and more. I am so happy to have answers after all these years.

The cause of all this, and more is Antiphospholipid Syndrome (APS). That is a link to the best source of information I can find on APS, that is in layman’s terms. I have a great handout from my Dr, but it is written with a lot of medical terms that boggle my mind.

Side Note: Antiphospholipid Syndrome is also called Hughes Syndrome. I would prefer to call it Antiphospholipid Syndrome because I cannot pronounce Hughes properly. LOL! It is like Houston. I have to stop and think and make an effort for the “h” to have a sound. I normally pronounce it silently. Isn’t that crazy? I do not know why it is that way, it just is. Cracks me up, because it irritates my kids. Talking to Moosey’s new friend “So you just moved here from Uston?” Moosey: “MOM! Don’t say it that way.” LOL! I know I find humor in the oddest of places. Oddly, sometimes I pronounce humor correctly, and others I do not.

Anyway, I am struggling with the whole APS thing. You see, I am so happy to have answers. However not all questions are answered. This diagnosis actually answered more things that I had thought of. When I was reading the list of symptoms, I was like “WOW! I had not thought of what might be causing that in a while.” But there are still things out there…

But enough about the unanswered. I have sworn, again, to give this to God, and I want Him to keep it. I do not want to take it away from Him again. I am not even going to go into what could be down the road for me, with APS. If you would like to know more about it, please follow the link I provided above.

However, if any of you know anyone else that has been diagnosed with APS, please please please, let me know. Send them my way. I would love to talk to others. There is a forum associated with the website with the link, but I will not join it. You are not aloud to talk about your religious beliefs there. I could tell someone I was praying for them, but I could not thank Him for answered prayer. I could not share how God is my Shepard, and He will lead me through this time in my life.

I say time in my life, like it will have an end. It will not, there is not cure for APS. They are working on a cure, but you know how that goes. Maybe some day there will be one, but I am not holding my breath. There is a call for blood platelets for people with Lupus Anticoagulant APS, but my APS is caused by Anticardiolipin antibodies, so I cannot participate in that.

I knew many of you were wondering where I was. I know that some of you knew where I was and knew I had my answers, but did not know how things were going, because I have been “hiding” again. Yep, another Jonah moment. I have WAY to many of those.

I was at work today, and we had a slump in business. I just love it when we have a slump in business, because it gives me a chance to read my Bible. I love getting to spend time in the Word, at work.

Anyway, as I was reading I was getting more frustrated. Then it dawned on me. I am reading the Bible through from Genesis to Revelation. I read at least 3 chapters a day, and some days I am blessed to be able to read more. Anyway, I am in JOB right now. I am thinking I will skip Job for now, and come back to it, when I am no longer taking medication and feeling old. Job is a very depressing book to read, until you get the end.

I know that I should be reading Job and praising God that I do not have it as bad as Job. When I realized this was part of the problem, I read two chapters, trying to look at it that way.

I will be starting Psalms later today. I look forward to it. I got to Job 22, but it will still be there when I get out of this funk.

I apologize for all the ranting. Most of you know I am not always this negative. I do not like being negative. I really do not. I like being positive! Positive is good!

God bless you all!

My dear friends,

First off, this will be posted on all three blogs and several message boards. It is my blanket apology for my “disappearance” from the blogging world and several of the message boards that I frequent.

A few weeks back, I had a flair up with my irritable bowel. A little TMI here, it all but quit working on it’s own, and I could only have a bowel movement, if I took strong laxatives. I had several tests ran and Praise the Lord! It is just what my Dr is calling a lazy bowel, which is basically a spastic colon. It is completely treatable. However, my Dr put me on Amitiza. This is a wonderful medication, if you have a lazy colon. It has done what it is supposed to do. But it has also made me irritable. It has affected my bi-polar, and made me a very angry person. I will be stopping this medication when I have finished this bottle. It is $60.00 per month and that is more than I want to pay for crankiness.

So I hid. I figured it was much easier to hide from you all than to have you all listen to my rants, my raves and my fits. I knew that some of you would see through my “Everything is fine” attitude. I did not want anyone to know that anything was wrong. I wanted to maintain the ideal that I had my bi-polar under control. Yes, I was wrong.

I was reminded that I need my friends. God does not give us anything we cannot handle. He also gives us the friends, family and support that we need to be able to handle some situations. He wants us to lean on Him, but He also gives us loved ones to lift us up in prayer and support.

I know that many of my readers and many of my friends were worried about me, and I sincerely apologize for “hiding” from you. I would like to ask that my readers and friends please accept my apology and please forgive me. I let my human nature take over and did not lean on the Lord. I know that many of you would say this post was not necessary, but others needed to know what was on my heart.

I love you all and I am thankful for each and every one of you. I have a ton of catching up to do, so I will close this post.

Sincerely,
Melly

done something really bad?

I have recently. I went into hiding, because I was afraid I would say or do something hurtful. Yeah I know, I should have been honest and up front and told everyone what was happening and why. I did not. I am so sorry.

I went to try to apologize to someone for this. I really wanted her to know that I was so sorry. When I went to talk to her, I misspelled her name. ACK! Yes, that looked and sounded sincere. *rolling her eyes* I am such a lousy friend. I really am.

My deepest apologies to all of you out there in the blogosphere.