A Cup of Tea With Me

In August of 2005, I had a deep depression settle over me. Mind you, there was no reason for this depression. I was back at work, working with a great boss, who also happened to be one of my closest friends. I had great co-workers. We were like a family. I had DH and the boys. They were awesome. We had all our debt paid off. There was NO reason for this depression. No matter what I did, I could not shake it. I had suicidal thoughts. If I could have figured out a way to kill myself, with out my kids being the ones to find me, I would have. It was the only way out.

I finally talked to DH about it and we decided I needed to speak to a professional. I went to my doctor, as she is one of the few “professionals” I trust. I explained it all to her, including my suicidal thoughts. She put me on some meds that made me ill, so I quit taking them. What was worse, suicidal and not vomiting, or suicidal and vomiting, making me wish it was over, even more? They also irritated my heart conditions and I almost had to go back on heart meds. No thank you. I figured I would find another way to deal with it.

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I realized that I had forgotten to add my health issues into my last post. I was going to go back and add them, but that post is so long, and this is really a miracle in itself, so I am sharing separately.

I have always been a sickly person. I had my tonsils out when I was 3. This was back before the use of lasers.

I get strep throat about 3 to 4 times a year. Have as long as I can remember. Up until I got pregnant with Boog, those were about the worst illnesses I had.

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I said I was going back a year for this, but actually I am going back to my childhood.

I do not remember dates or even years for much of this. It is not that I am “old” but more that dates did not seem important at the time. When I was 8 or so, my family started attending a church in our home town. It was a small baptist church. The assistant pastor was a great Godly man. We respected him, greatly. I still think fondly of him and his family, when I think of Godly families that I would like to emulate.

I remember Tim and Beverly LaHaye coming to a service. I remember that was the first stirring of the spirit I had felt. I was about 11 at that time. He was very moving in his sermon.

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