Getting Started
I said I was going back a year for this, but actually I am going back to my childhood.
I do not remember dates or even years for much of this. It is not that I am “old” but more that dates did not seem important at the time. When I was 8 or so, my family started attending a church in our home town. It was a small baptist church. The assistant pastor was a great Godly man. We respected him, greatly. I still think fondly of him and his family, when I think of Godly families that I would like to emulate.
I remember Tim and Beverly LaHaye coming to a service. I remember that was the first stirring of the spirit I had felt. I was about 11 at that time. He was very moving in his sermon.
One day when I was 12 (1982), after hearing the assistant pastor preach, I felt called to the Lord. My mom would not let me go forward during the alter call, as she wanted to make sure that I spoke to our family friend, not just any deacon at the church. We approached him after the service, and he took me aside and talked to me about what was going on and to see if I understood what it meant to be saved. I was baptized the following week.
My parents bought me a leather bound Scofield King James bible. I still have that bible. I use it for my King James reference.
I walked closely with Him for a while. Satan crept into our church. We were growing. Pastor and many of our elders felt the need for a larger building. During our growing pains, the assistant pastor left.
We had a great youth minister. He led many youth to Christ. I remember him very fondly. God called him home to be with Him. Leaving his wife and 2 children. It was not only a great loss to them, but to the church, as well. The new youth minster did not have the same zeal that he had had.
My family quit going to church when I was about 13 and half. I attended another church that was close to my house, but honestly I went there because of the cute boys, not the message that I was hearing. The youth minister at this church was good, though. He certainly made an effort to reach me. My heart was hardened though.
As I got into high school, I found alcohol and drugs would make me forget about the hole that was in my life. When I was drunk or high I was not thinking. I had an obsession with heavy metal music, horror films, and magic. I witnessed many things that a “Christian” never should have. I completely turned my back on Jesus.
I was fascinated by the world of Celtic Ireland. I read many books on the druids and their “gods”. I wanted to believe that this was the way to go. This was the way things were supposed to be. I dabbled in wiccan practices.
During all this, I quit drugs, after two moves and a brush with death from almost ODing on crystal meth.
We moved to Texas. This would become home for me, but I do not want to get too far ahead of myself. I was still drinking. I was still playing at being wiccan. I say playing at it, as in retrospect, I was never really wiccan. I was pagan, but I never successfully cast any “spells”. I never had any wiccan friends. This was all done in the privacy of my own room. It was just satan’s way of keeping me from the One who truly loved me.
I got pregnant. I was not 100% certain who the baby’s father was, but I knew that my only choice was to have this baby. He was truly a great blessing. With learning of my pregnancy, I calmed my life style down even more. I did not drink while pregnant, and after his birth, I slowed down on my drinking. I was still pagan, although I still did not let anyone know. It was still my little secret. Watching my baby grow, I knew there had to be more out there. All this time, I still lived with my parents, as I did not know how to stand on my own two feet.
In 1992 I was at a friend’s birthday party. I had was supposed to be introduced to this guy there, kinda like a blind date, with no promise of an actual date. Well, I met two guys that night. One was the one I was supposed to meet, and the other was the one that God intended me to meet.
This is when DH came into my life. He was raised in a baptist church. His mother was a Godly woman. His entire family was a Godly family. He rebelled in college and still has not quite gotten back on the path, but I am praying about that. But I am getting ahead of myself.
In 1995, DH and I were married. Moosey walked me down the isle, along with my dad. My favorite picture from our wedding is of DH and Moosey. I will have to see if I can dig a link to that one up.
In 1997, God blessed us with Boog. He has added a great love to our family. Moosey says that I learned how to be a mom when Boog came along. Before that I relied on my parents for too much of the parenting I was supposed to be doing.
I made some really bad decisions during this time, and wrecked our families financial situation. DH and I almost ended up divorcing over this. Boog was about 5 months old.
I ended up pregnant. I refused to tell my employer, or anyone until I could say it with a smile. Our family was on the rocks, and just about to split up. How could I bring another life into this mess? DH and I worked things out. Then I lost the baby. God knew what he was doing, as we could not really afford another baby. But it hurt. I still mourn her, to this day.
Not long after the loss, I got my tubes tied. I did not feel that I could survive another loss like that. I did not see God’s hand in any of this, yet.
In 2001, with 9/11, I saw the need for religion in my life. I turned to the one thing that I had needed all this time, and had ignored. I turned to God. We started attending a church. Moosey got saved while attending this church. But satan would not let go, that easy.
We were introduced to the world of MMORPGs. I started staying home from church to play EverQuest. Once I stayed home a week or two, it was easy. Then is was the gradual decline of all that God had put in my heart. I was back to my old ways. Never a pagan again, but certainly not listening to His voice.
This is my back story. Just the beginning. From here on, I will share each leg of my journey to Christ in a separate entry. It has been a long journey.
